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Saturday, 28 January 2017

Is It So Hard to Say "I Love You?".


I was talking to a close friend last week and something she said really made me ponder.

Her aunt's husband had just died and her aunt was sharing memories of their last time together.  When she left him in the hospital  bed that evening she had left feeling contented, happy and at peace.   John had seemed like he was getting stronger and had been very lively and even playful.  As she walked out and went home she was looking forward to coming back and seeing him the next day.

However when she reached home some hours later she received the call that John had passed.

She was devastated.  She had  not been looking for that at all.

She told my friend that  night he had even told her "Jane, I really love you,  you know".   She had replied "John I really love you too".  She told my friend that she hadn't heard those words in years.

As my friend continued to share, those words continued to arrest me.  This couple had been happily enough married for over 50 years.  They had raised a family together.  They had run businesses together, gone on exotic faraway vacations together; yet it had been made years since he had told his wife he loved her.

It made me think and ask myself, why do so many of us find it hard to articulate our feelings of love.  Why do some men rarely if ever tell their wives they love them? Is it unnecessary after the honeymoon stage?  Should she just know? Or has life and it's pressures and woes taken the love away?

As human beings we need love. Babies die from lack of attention and lack of care and lack of demonstrated love.  Adults die too. They die emotionally as their heart holds a vacuum that isn't being filled.

Can we show and tell of our love today to our loved one. Tell your wife you love her.  Say it in front of your children. It's powerful. It will show them how to love their wives too. A wife will always respect and honour a man who loves her and is  not afraid to say it or show it. Your words will beautify her also. She will reflect the love and care she is receiving. A woman who is loved is always beautiful.

Don't lock up your words. Let them out.

Even, why not write a letter? A love letter. Those romantic, old fashioned things.  Bring them back is what I say.

Apart from romantic love, let's tell those in our lives who really matter; who we're so glad we had the privilege of knowing in this lifetime; who we were blessed they crossed our paths; tell them they are honoured and loved. 

Please don't wait until your time on earth is over and you are about to transition into the eternal realm before you say those powerful words "I Love You".

Sunday, 24 January 2016

Weekend musings


Afternoon musings. ....

Is it always worth being right?

I mean what if you reach the ripe old age of 80 and you have no real friends around you because you spent life just keeping to yourself? What if at every real or imagined slight you just withdrew?

It may be okay to be alone, able  and fiercely independent but what about being old and alone, not so able and sadly independent? Does that work?

Can we go through life without acquiring the grace to forgive people, or simply overlook stuff.  Doesn't unforgiveness lead to bitterness? Bitterness has it's way of working itself out in the physical body causing dis-ease.


To have friends Proverbs tell us we must first show ourselves to be friendly.

We all will find that one day we need people. We need friends....

Just thinking. ....

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach

Thursday, 7 January 2016

Get Your Life in 2016

2016 is Your Time!

I hope you're fired up for 2016 and I've listed below 10 elements you can integrate into your life to ensure an excellent year both personal and professional.

1. Take Yourself Seriously.


Don't keep saying you will go with the flow. That means you have no plan, no goal, no destination, you're just reacting to what life throws at you. Your life must be lived on purpose. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. This is it. If you're an entrepreneur or solopreneur take your business serious and take a business approach, every single day.

2. You're a reflection of your circle so really think about if everyone you spend significant time with is going the same direction as you.  Think if you really want another year of more of the same type and quality of relationship.


3. Are you setting the right kind of foundation in your life to win?  What books are you reading?  Are you still growing intellectually? Are you growing spiritually? Are you curious about life and ready to learn?

4. Faith is key but faith still needs a plan. Enough said. Don't get over spiritual!

5. Not just talking a good game but it's time to say "show me the money". Remember, know your value and charge your worth when it comes to business. People who can't afford to pay you or are unwilling to pay you or are forever seeking discounts are not your target market.

6. Feed your bank account and not your ego.  Being popular isn't going to pay your bills. Likes on facebook cant buy groceries.  So set specific weekly, monthly and quarterly business goals as well as yearly goals. Get a financial strategy that works for your business.

7. Don't just copy other people who seem to be succeeding. Don't just be a "wanna bee". Do you and do it well. Whatever works for you and your business do that and do it better.

8. Find people several steps ahead of you in your field and learn from them. Follow them on social media. Listen to their seminars. Read their books. See what you can adapt and adopt for your business and personal life.


9. Don't neglect you. Remember No is a complete sentence and it's a power word. Protect your me time and your down time. You won't succeed long term if you neglect yourself.

10. Always keep adjusting. Nothing is written in stone. If you need to make a change here or there don't be afraid to. Get ego out the way and follow the better way when revealed to you.



Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
Email at Patricia@highlyfabulousconsulting.com

Sunday, 3 January 2016

Helpful Hints for Lone Mums


Let's start

Your Money

Try to put some money away each week.  Prioritise between your needs and wants and really focus on you and your child's needs. If there is any money left over,  save it.
 
Your Friends

Start to grow  your circle of positive people in your life who age trying to make the most of themselves professionally and personally. At the same time drastically reduce from your life those who are negative and unproductive.

Protect your child Emotionally

Try not to let your children know you are finding life difficult or challenging, especially when they are quite young. They may see you struggling but you don't want them to feel insecure or unstable about life or the environment. Children need stability emotionally as well as physically and you will help to provide this. If you need an emotional outlet this is where your friends and circle come in.

Be Organised

Reduce feelings of overwhelm by breaking your life down in manageable chunks. This means that you look at each one by itself, instead of looking at all of them at once. Chunks may be your health, your finances, your friends, your career, etc

Be Practical

Don't leave your job until you find another one, even if you really hate it.

Down Time

When it comes time for you to  relax (and this is vital to your own well-being) do ask a close family member or trusted friends to stay with your child. Even if you don't have loads to spend there are many things you can do for fun that cost little or no money. But please always take time for yourself. You matter. You count.



Get Motivated About Life

Never give up on yourself or on your future. You can have a powerful future and life will not be this tough forever.  Make a financial plan, stick to it, and live day by day.

Find a mentor who can encourage you to set small interim goals for your progress.



Ask for Help

Success is asking for help when you need it. Humility is greatness.  No one in life gets anywhere significant without the help of others. You cannot live in a vacuum. And when you are in a position to help someone else, send the elevator back down!

Invest in Yourself

Expand your education at every opportunity.  There are many free and low cost courses online as well as a plethora of information on a number of topics.  Libraries offer free training in IT as well as Internet access for free. A great place to start .


Fathers

Where possible keep the access clear for visits and interaction with the father of your child.

Empirical evidence shows boys and girls need their fathers in their lives. As well,  fathers need to provide practical and financial support towards the child regardless of whether you are together as they are his responsibility.




Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com

Saturday, 12 December 2015

Cleaning Out My Closet!

Hi guys, how's your weekend going. I'm having a mental and emotional clear out. Like Eminem I am cleaning out my closets.

It's a really empowering thing to do. Making decisions about what I want and don't want and then making that push to throw out what's no longer needed or wanted.

I'm aiming  to get things done and to make my life clutter-free. Once I've cleared all the clutter, life becomes easier to control.

The more control I have, the more motivated I feel.

It's surprising how many people carry around with them a lot of excess luggage or clutter.  The emotional tensions and regrets make up a big part of this clutter. The  ‘if only' and ‘why did this happen',  and the ‘coulda shoulda' are plenty. 

Well all mine are going in the bin.  Today. Making space for 2016. Which is going to be super fabulous by the way :)

While Ive been clearing out, a couple of old friends come to mind. I'll call them Adrian and Darlene, great couple.  One day, they had an argument over something and they stopped speaking to each other. Within a month, both missed the companionship of the other, and regretted the break up. However, they waited for the other person  to make the first move to start over again. It never happened. They drifted apart, but the feeling of regret stayed with them. Both of them have  confessed to mutual friends that it has affected their lives. What a waste!

I hate hearing things like that. It's so unnecessary and speaks of an unwillingness to admit you may have been wrong.  Even if you are, it's not the end of the world. And isn't a loving happy relationship worth overcoming your pride for?

I see people old and lonely because they always have to be right.  No one is right all the time. What's the harm in a simple apology? Or giving a peace offering? Or just making the first move? Someone has to step up!

A good relationship is worth it. I don't know where that thought came from but perhaps I needed to share it for someone today.

Well back to clearing out my emotional and mental closet -  I've asked myself these questions. The answers are helping me gain clarity. It means I have to be really honest and face up to things. But I'm doing it anyway. I already feel lighter. Motivated. In control. On track.  Maybe you can use them too.  Here you go!

1. Putting up with….

• List 10 things that I am putting up with at home
• List 10 things that I am putting up with in my business
• List 10 things that I am putting up with in my love life
• List 10 things that I am putting up with in my  friendships

Time to weed out or communicate these things that I've  been putting up with

2. Unfinished matters…

• List out all the things in my life that I  feel are unresolved/unfinished

• Create a plan to reduce this number. Write it down.

• Do I need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!

• Is there someone I'm supposed to call or keep in touch with but failed to find time for? If yes, call them or send an email right away!

3. My standards…..

• Write down the standards that I have told myself I have to match. OK, so now  let go of them and create a new list. These should be the standards that I am going to have in my  life from this day onwards.

I hope you like these and find them useful.

Enjoy your weekend :)

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
www.ruachradio.com

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

The Truth Behind Ruth and Boaz


Sisters I have to write this post today as it won't leave me and I know someone somewhere needs to read it.  Let's talk about Ruth and her beautiful love story.


Well, you know how we are always hearing how Ruth waited for Boaz, her kinsman redeemer.  So, she is the one our single sisters are meant to emulate while they wait on God for their husband. Such scriptures are quoted as 'He that finds a wife finds a good thing and has obtained favour of the Lord.' The Proverbs and 'Wait on The Lord and He will strengthen your heart' or 'Delight yourself in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.' Both from the Psalms of David.



All quoted to encourage women to wait for The Lord to provide them with, or bring, Mr Right to them. When time begins to pass the women are told that they are not ready. That they must get ready. Work on themselves and deal with their stuff. If not this, then they are told God knows best and will bring the right man at the right time. And in the meantime don't go off with any of Boaz' cousins; Broke-Az, Drunk-Az, Cheating-Az, Goodfornothing-Az etc
Fine, we get it!



Okay. I've been in church all my life and have heard this narrative many many times.  But I am someone who likes to question.

I understand that God is a God who hears and answers prayer. I was taught that He will not give us a stone if we ask for bread nor a scorpion if we ask for egg.

I understand that Jesus taught us to pray invoking his name so that our joy would be full.

Now I fully believe God knows how the human body works and that he himself invented it. He understands the female anatomy and knows that a woman is most fertile in her late teens, twenties and into her early thirties.

Now, does God not realise this when He has all these women in the church waiting for 'the right time'?



What is a young woman in church who has been told The Lord will bring her husband at the right time supposed to think when she has been waiting and praying and Boaz hasn't shown his face and even if he has he has made no moves towards her.

Far be it from her to pursue him as that wouldn't be right. The man is the head. He is supposed to pursue her. So she keeps waiting, praying and hoping for Boaz.


Meanwhile experiencing loneliness,  sexual frustration, loss of motherhood opportunity, pity from others, feeling she has failed, feeling disappointed with life and even anger at God himself. All understandable.

Well, let's have a look at what Ruth did . Let's find out what her gameplay was.  The sisters are always being told to look at and follow her example. Let's see......



I have to say on closer examination Ruth isn't quite the passive sister we have been told.

In fact, Ruth (and Naomi) are very deliberate, focused, intentional and purposeful. Some may even say scheming.

It is noted that Ruth goes specifically to Boaz' field to glean. So she set her sights on the wealthy Boaz. Remember she was a widow with no children. Ruth knew she needed security and Boaz fitted the bill. We see no mention that Boaz approached her before that time. She went to his field. She comes home and tells Naomi about it. What do they do next? 

They come up with a plan. Notice, no waiting here. None at all.

And brazen woman that she is, she waits until Boaz has finished eating and drinking and actually lies down at his feet and goes to sleep.  In the morning when he awakes he is concerned for her reputation! What does that tell you about Ruth's actions?

Really! Seriously, I see no waiting here. In fact the more I examine the story I fail to see why Ruth has been used as the example of waiting for your perfect man to turn up. Or if you prefer, waiting for God to send your Boaz.

It seems to me it was a clever plan to capture Boaz and it worked.



Perhaps we should stop telling sisters to simply pray and wait. Sisters should be praying in any case. When it comes to marriage women should recognise they have a part to play.  Please don't think I'm telling you to sleep at the feet of your intended but you can be intentional. You can set out to make him notice you. You can make it plain that you are open to an approach.

I sincerely do not believe that God hasn't heard the countless thousands of prayers of women calling for him to send Boaz. God expects you to seek and find, to understand you must do something too. With prayer of course. But actions must go with the faith otherwise it's dead.

If you want a new job you pray about it but you also take full responsibility in doing your part to seek and obtain that new role. Relationships are the same.

Just ask Ruth. She'll tell you how it's done.


Patricia Benjamin
Life & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host | The Real Love Show
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Rip Your Runway!

Paying attention to our health is central to our enjoying a happy and successful life.



Our inner and outer health work together and are entirely co-dependent.  You cannot have one without the other.  The universal Law of Cause and Effect dictates if we have a health mindset it is impossible for this not to be reflected outwardly.
 What we must first do then is to Take Responsibility for our physical health, how we feel about ourselves and the way we look.  This is our choice...  The way we look, apart from our genetics, is largely down to us and no one else.



If we petite and slender we can love every inch, if we are large and curvy we can embrace them.  If we want to lose or gain weight we can make the decision to do so.  We do not need to look in the mirror and hate what we see.

Help is available if we need help to make the adjustments.  If we need help with our nutrition, help is at hand; if we need to add a customized exercise plan to our daily routine and generally be more active; help is there.

Beyond pure aesthetics, our physical health plays a key role in how we live and run our lives.  It affects whether we have the energy to invest in our families, our relationships, to give to our careers.

Having good health means we will be around to enjoy the fruit of our labour.  It means our family can enjoy having us around for a long time.  Your partner will have your beauty and love in his life for as long as possible and you will enjoy having a body that gives you what you demand of it.  Clearly, neglecting ourselves is not an option!

Our emotional health is part of our profile and is very often affected by high levels of stress.
Stress can show in our bodies in a myriad of ways: headaches, feelings of sluggishness, poor sleep patterns, weight gain, constant anxiety, high blood pressure and the like.   We are all stressed from time to time, and in fact some stress can be good if channelled currently.



How we handle stress affects our emotional well being.  The most important thing to do is to identify the source or reason for the anxiety and face it.  Once we have faced up to it we can take steps to deal with it.  Do not allow it to fester and build, get outside help if necessary.

Forget about being super mom or superwoman.  The truth is she never really existed, everyone needs help and no woman is an island.

In today’s highly pressured, fast paced and instant society, taking time for self is not a luxury but an absolute must.  Time spent on you, and for you, is never time wasted, or time that could have been better spent.

We are all, on some level, whether consciously or subconsciously, seeking peace.  This time will help you achieve it.  Schedule ‘me-time’ as part of your daily and monthly routine.
Choose activities that relax you, inspire you, nurture you, affirm you and which blow away the cobwebs.

Here are some favourites, add your own:-

•Enjoy laughter (a cheerful heart is like good medicine)
•Have a Girls Night In/Out
•Book a massage
•Run a perfumed bubble bath, use your best body oils and pamper your skin


•Play music that makes you feel good
•Dance like no-one watching
•Run or walk daily
•Enjoy good sex with the one you love
•Admire the beauty of a magnificent sunset
•Keep a journal
•Celebrate your achievements, don’t wait for someone else to validate you
•Get a makeover
•Smile deeply
•Pray and give thanks
•Have some Belgian chocolate (sometimes it’s nice to be naughty!)

Well, it goes without saying that with our physical and emotional health being on the up and up, it is a no-brainer to recognize that you are going to be feeling pretty good about your fine self!  So your personal and body image will, as a matter of course, be positive!

You will appreciate your body and what it can do and how good it can look.  Your beauty will start from within, from your core and your state of mind. 


Forget what the media says about the way you should look and ignore the unrealistic and impossible to achieve images it presents.  Many of these models are not healthy and have eating disorders in order to stay in these industries. 

Your positive body image comes from knowing how fantastic you really are and knowing you are doing all in your power to look and stay healthy.
So walk with your shoulders back, your head up and sport a beautiful smile, which is the prettiest thing you can wear!



Have a strong, purposeful and confident stride as you step out onto the catwalk of your life, and Rip your Runway.