Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Refocusing after setbacks, 2

What is your inner belief system?  What does it stand for?

This is crucial to understand when you've experienced a setback or a disappointment.

The benefits of a strong inner belief system are many;

* Stronger self-confidence
* Healthy self-esteem
* Greater life satisfaction
* Comfort with self and others

But how exactly does one go about developing a strong inner belief system?

Consider the following questions.

Finding answers to these can help you distinguish yourself in the group.

1. ​Explore what you currently believe about work, life, people, and yourself.
You can try a free-writing exercise. Write each word (work, life, etc.) at the top of a page (one for each page) and then a free associate for each word. Write down whatever thoughts might be conjured up by the word at the top of the page.
Write until each page is full.

2. ​How much of what you believe is your own?

Take a look at what you wrote on each page.

Identify messages that may have come from parents, friends, family, peers, teachers, etc. You can see that some thoughts appear under almost every section. Identify the recurring themes.

Now, highlight the things that truly reflect who you are and what you believe.

3. ​How much of it is enabling and how much disabling?

The messages of others can be encouraging or discouraging.
Now, look at the messages and thoughts that reflect your own inner belief system. How do they make you feel, empowering or limited?

4. ​What do you want to believe?

Consider your true beliefs, the thoughts and messages you firmly believe in.

Do they reflect how you want to feel about life, work, people, and yourself?

Take a blank paper and write down each idea or thought that are considered right by others on the left hand. On the right hand side write down your alternative; how you would like to feel/think about each.

Reprogram yourself by identifying these limiting thoughts as they pop into your head, and replacing them with the thoughts and ideas you identified on the right hand side of the paper.

Continue this exercise, and you will find the old limiting thoughts creeping up less and less and the new empowering thoughts substituting them.

5. ​What messages about life, people, work, and yourself did you get from family as you shaped your personality?

Family, your primary social unit, can influence you more than most other institutions.

Family members have the tendency to repeat their messages. If you have chosen to reprogram any of their thoughts, values or beliefs, then be prepared to counter these beliefs whenever a family member articulates them.

6. ​What's your response when you express your belief and someone disagrees?

There can be many who do not agree with your beliefs and ideas. Consider how you might respond, should you share your beliefs with others and find that they disagree.
You don’t have to change your mind.
There is nothing wrong in someone else believing differently from your beliefs. People are different and that's what makes the world go round after all.

Simply convey that you see life/work/people/etc. differently, and then reconfirm your belief by repeating it to yourself.

As you explore your answers to these questions and the exercises associated with each, you'll begin to realize the strength of your inner belief system.

Expression of an idea is a difficult job. You need a great amount of confidence to express your beliefs in an unwavering fashion. People will challenge you and come forward with counterarguments.

Consider it as an opportunity to test your ability to continue with your belief system intact as part of your own personal growth.

See you back here next time.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Facebook: Ask Patricia
Twitter: Ask_Patricia
iTunes: Real Love Show

Sunday, 1 March 2015

Getting Back on Track after a Setback

Are you still clear as to your life and where you're going?

At this time you may just need to sharpen your focus expecially if you've had a setback or two . We all have them and it's important to have the right attitude in such times. Remember, your attitude will determine your altitude.  Let's gets to it!

Edmund Hillary was three times unsuccessful while trying to climb Mount Everest before his historical achievement in 1953.

People praised his triumph and said, "You've conquered the mountain," and Sir Hillary said, "No, I've conquered myself."

The bitter experiences of early three attempts did not hold back Hillary from a fourth one. With strong will and relentless enthusiasm, he pursued his goal and achieved it.

How many times have you started a diet, stopped smoking, or tried something new and went back to where you were when a setback or obstacle occurred. People often stumble over obstacles and even consider them as excuses for their failures.
Setbacks and difficulties are inevitable in life. They often challenge your skills and temperament.

There are two ways to face difficulties.
1. You can either change the difficulty or change yourself to be able to deal with it.
2. You can deal with difficulties properly and make use of the experience to enhance your confidence or you can deal with them incorrectly and let them seriously damage your confidence.

If you can see and face challenges in a positive way, you will gain immense experience and knowledge from it. Remember, a smooth sea never made a skilful mariner.

Your response to issues and difficulties:
Failure should never be considered as a source of discouragement, but a motivation. You know how 
Helen Keller, a mute and blind woman, went on to become a world-famous speaker and author. Your ability to deal with challenges can be converted into a virtue by asking positive empowering questions yourself.

There is an unwritten rule that says:
Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer.

So, if, after a setback, you ask yourself something like
"Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?"
Your mind will probably come out with:
"Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!"
Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:
"What did I learn from this setback for next time?"
Your mind will switch into solution mode and come out with some excellent tips.

Following are some points to ponder about when setbacks do occur:
* Be brave enough to acknowledge what has happened. Don't hide away from it. These things happen. So what?

* Ask yourself as many positive empowering questions as you can.

For example:
What is good about this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts about this problem?
How can we make it a success next time?

* Acknowledge the fact that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out.

* View setbacks as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200 List
Christian Women in Media International Leader
Top 100 Most Influential Black People in Digital / Social Media